I
suppose I should have seen what was coming
this year and taken to my bed for the duration
of summer! As regular readers will know I have
had a complete disaster when it came to renewing
my wardrobe this year. None of the outfits I bought
either fitted me or suited me and my new holiday
clothes consists of two new tops that I managed
to grab in Tesco, in between choosing a loaf of
bread and some strawberries.
We have a gorgeous range of up-market shops where
I live and yet none of them could supply me with
so much as a t-shirt that suited! Not that I really
need any summer clothes for my holiday this
is the time of year when I do my patriotic duty
and have a week at the Great British seaside looking
over our great Castles and clambering about over
rocky coves. |
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This year I think a pair of wellies and a trench coat
will be more to the point. And might as well not bother
packing a hairdryer or brush as my unruly locks have
been nothing but frizz since the rain started (and forgot
to stop). But to cap it all, and to add insult to injury,
Ive found a mysterious layer of flesh that Im sure
wasnt there last week firmly attaching itself to my
stomach! I can honestly say that Ive never seen it
before and I have no idea where it has come from.
Ive always considered myself to be slim Ive been
called Twiggy and Boney before today and have even
been called stick-thin. Its no virtue on my part,
I was just made that way, so where on earth has this
roll of flesh come from? I woke up one morning perfectly
normal size and shape, showered, dressed and there it
was, hanging over the top of my pants. I blinked and
did a double-take and ran over to check in the mirror
in case my sight had been damaged whilst I was asleep,
but no, there it still was.
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I poked it and prodded it just to find out if it
was definitely attached to me and it was. I yelled
out to my partner Come and look at this! He came
running, not because hes obedient, hes just downright
nosey. Look at this; says I, pointing to the offending
roll of fat. Yes, I Know, he says its called a
belly and Ive got one of my own? Well I couldnt
argue with that he has, and whats more Ive seen
it, but that doesnt help me at all. I decided I needed
to think about it a big so I did what I always do
when I need to think opened a bag of crisps and
a Snickers to chew on until
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I came up with an answer. I went through all the options,
buying bigger knickers, investing in some Kaftans
or simply ignoring it and hoping it would go by tomorrow,
but by the time Id finished my crisps Id decided
it was time to take myself (and my belly) in hand.
I suppose theres nothing for it but to cut all those
bags of things I keep eating and reach for the fruit
bowl instead. I cant say that a juicy apple has the
same appeal as a box of Belgian chocolates but if I
dont do something now who knows what will have expanded
when I next look in the mirror? I need to do something
anyway before my next girlie-get-together some of
my friends have tongues whose edges could slice a tomato
in half and theyre bound to notice, they notice everything
I still havent recovered from the time they accused
me of letting myself go when I turned up without nail
polish.
So perhaps its as well that I havent made too many
investments in the clothes department lately as they
wouldnt fit me anyway when I run around the block and
come back looking like Kate Moss.
I wonder if there are any foundation garment shops
on the South Coast? |
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